How Being Nice Sucks

Hello. I have never blogged in my life, but I have decided why not start now? So I guess you want to know me, right? I am Alyssa who is a poor art college student who works at the Wal-Mart bakery 40 miles away from my campus. YES I AM VERY SMART AREN'T I. Hey, it's money and I don't care where I have to work to get it. Well except a couple of things which would bring my morals into question, but I think you can guess what I'm getting at.

But yea. There's a brief now history of me. Enjoy. Now onwards with this blog.

I am compulsive at being nice. If I see someone crying or down or whatever I have this irresistible urge to give that person a hug. It could be some ugly homeless bum who looks like he would rape me if given the chance (and he would have a pretty good chance if I did hug him.) crying (about what I don't know. Whatever bums cry about) and I would still have the urge to give the man who smells like garbage and crushed dreams a hug.

Now you may think that this is a good quality to have. BUT ITS NOT. The niceness can make me feel guilty as well. I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend of like 5 months now. A few days ago I noticed one of my guy friends in class was looking depressed before class. Being the nice person I am, I offered him a hug. And even though I may weigh a measly 115lbs I still give those tight, I'm Trying to Strangle You, But I'm Too Weak, hugs.

AWWWWWW... That's so FREAKIN SWEET OF ME isn't? 

Yea I thought so too. At the time.

Now today during class, he decides to attack me from behind and give me a hug. Am I just being paranoid? I hope so. I always over think these situations to the point where I feel like I am a horrible girlfriend because OTHER PEOPLE may think I'm flirting when it's just my usual behavior. Okay so these are supposed to be my friends right? They should know me and shouldn't judge me. It's kinda hard for them though because I have only known them since the end of August. That's when we all start college. (That's right I'm a freshman. Or as my school likes to call us, "Foundations.")

I think I have been cursed by a witch to feel eternally guilty for anything I do. If I have to ask someone to borrow something I feel like I am asking them for a kazillion dollars or something. I have to MENTALLY PREPARE myself. That's not right, is it?

Same goes with waking someone up. Even if it is VERY IMPORTANT I wake them up I can't do it without this inner monologue. "OK... OK... You can do it. Just... wake them up. They ASKED you to. Not like your being rude..." *looks at the time* "Crap.. He has to go to work in ten minutes...." 

That is why I hate being so nice. I need to get a backbone. Seriously.

To Y'All: Since this is my first post, I am sorry if it is quite boring and rambly. I have not decided where to take this blog yet. It may become a place where I share my art... my webcomic stuff... I don't know yet. Or maybe I can do everything. Keep it different.